"An Unforgettable Dance!"

As 2012 comes to an end, I just wanted to take some time to thank you all for reading my blog these past two years! It has been quite the journey...and I am so very thankful for all of you who have walked it with me...either literally, or through prayer. 

Last January, one of my resolutions was to write at least one blog post a month...and one blog post a month I did!  (I also had a resolution to learn to play a song on the guitar...but...uh...that one didn't turn out so well! My poor fingers!!!) 

So...typing and sharing my thoughts, feelings, happenings, and convictions once a month is what I stuck with instead. And oh, what a healing journey it has been! 

This year, however, I have new resolutions...and unfortunately, continuing my blog isn't one of them. 

I've thought long and hard about how I was going to end this. What I was going to say...what I was going to leave you with.

Then, as I read L.B Cowman's Streams in the Desert devotional this morning it became clear to me. In the depths of my heart I was reminded...

reminded that it is okay to look back. To always look back...even if it hurts. Because even if the road is dark and the terrain is tough, even if the path is rocky and it winds and bends at dangerous heights... there is grace. There is sweet evidence of His faithfulness, beautiful marks of His Presence. In the tallest trees, in the darkest forests, birds are singing! Singing of His mercy...His mercy that has taken us "thus far."

Thus far.

There are still mountains to climb, paths to journey, joys to encounter, and sorrows to bear. But, praise God...He, in His great mercy...has led us "thus far!"

The shepherds of the Alps have a beautiful custom of ending the day by singing an evening farewell to one another. The air is so pure that the songs can be heard for very long distances. As the sun begins to set, they gather their flocks and begin to lead them down the mountain paths while they sing, "'Thus far has the LORD helped us.' Let us praise His name!"

May that be our cry too, dear family and friends...as we look back...

as the sun sets.... the chapters close...the night falls...and the year ends:

"Thus far has the LORD helped us!"

And as we look ahead...

to beautiful sun rises...to new chapters beginning...to the day dawning...and the new year starting:

"Let us praise His name!"

I love you...and I am so thankful for you! 

Happy New Year!

"True Grace"

I don't know about you, but for some reason, I struggle being thankful.

Last year, however, when I first started my gratitude journal, I wouldn't  have said that...

In all honesty, I would have said that I was pretty good at it. My days are FULL of "thank yous!" Aren't yours?! Aren't everybody's?! I mean really, who doesn't say thank you to the young lad who opens the door for you, or the bagger at the grocery store who hands you your groceries? Or when a police officer gives you a warning instead of a ticket...surely I am not the only one whose feelings of frustration immediately disappear and are replaced with feelings of gratitude! "Thanks!" "Gracias!" "Merci" "Xie Xie!" I have said this little, common, jam packed word in numerous languages, in multiple countries. I've taught it to my son, signed it with my students. Gratitude is a part of my being...it is a part of who I am. I am a small town southern girl...of course I am thankful!

Or so I thought...

I started last September...recording my thanksgivings...making my lists...thinking I would reach 1000 in no time!

But here I sit, November 30, 2012...one year and two months later...and I realize...the task I embarked on was not as easy as I had first thought.

Although I have finally reached 1000 this month, I can't help but wonder...

am I truly getting it?

Am I really thankful?

Do I really see?

Are my eyes even open?

Oh, to live a life full of thanksgiving! To inhale...to exhale...every second...every day...nothing but pure and selfless gratitude.

How can I do this? I long for it! Will thanksgiving ever consume me? Oh, how I want it to! Not just in November, but all throughout the year!

I ask, I question, I seek...and soon, I am reminded of this simple truth:

in order for one to know true gratitude...

one must first know true grace.

"Oh God, open my eyes! Open my heart! Reveal my sin and bring me back to the foot of the cross! For it is there, and only there, that I will see my need for a Savior. It is there that I will experience true forgiveness, and it is only there, in Your presence, that I will find and know true grace."

As my journey continues...even past 1000...my prayer is that I would constantly be reminded of Christ's sacrifice on the cross and never loose sight of God's glorious grace.

1011. Singing praises in Fort Worth with Uncle Ched and cousin Hope...so beautiful!

Happy Thanksgiving!

"True Beauty"

It was one of those days...
a chaotic Thursday.

I rushed out of the Special Education building after work...feeling frumpy. I was tired...and I knew I looked it.

Just to be sure, as soon as my "pockets" hit the seat of my car, I pulled the visor down and flipped open the mirror.

Confirmation.

Eye liner smeared, blemishes bright red, lips chapped, eye brows a disaster...and hair...well, let's not even go there.

"Eww."

I slammed the mirror shut and started the car.

In need of some affirmation...or a good cry...I flipped on some good ol' country music. It was just what I needed...fuel for my bad mood. Nourishment for my low confidence. Mile after mile, song after song, my pitiful state continued...

"It's not Wednesday, Taylor Swift. It's Thursday...and I'm not in a cafe, I'm in the car. I'm always in the car!!"

"Ugh!"

"If the 93Q plays your sweet little song one more time, Hunter Hayes...I'm gonna scream!!"

Frustrated, I turned down the music and stared off into the distance as I waited for the light to change.

As soon as it turned green, I began to yawn. My hand reached up to cover it... and it was then that I felt it. Zit number (who knows what!) was forming on my chin. "You have got to be kidding me!!!" I  thought as I yanked the visor down once again.

Confirmation.

It was red. It was tender... and it was ugly!

"Can't a girl catch a break?!"

An old familiar tune started up in my head as I slammed the mirror closed and continued my drive...

"Nobody loves me... (I mean how could they? With this hair? and these eyebrows?!)
Everybody hates me... (of course they do! EVERYBODY does!)
I guess I'll go eat worms!...(if only they'd help my complexion!)"

I arrived at "church school" and was greeted by my hyper-active two year old.

Although he ran to me, calling "Mommy!!" all I could see was the hideous outfit he had on. The shirt was a little snug and the shorts...uh...definitely not a match. ("Why were those the change of clothes I had in his backpack anyways?!")  I looked up at the teacher and she quickly explained that he had had an accident at nap time. "Great!" I thought as we made our way back to the car "aren't we a lovely pair?!"

I pulled out of the parking lot and made a turn towards Humble. A friend of mine, that I used to teach with, was hosting an after school jewelry party at her house. (The proceeds would benefit a lady in need at her church.) I told her I'd stop by.

A few minutes later, I was parked out front. I told Titus he could pick one toy to take in. He threw a little fit and then finally conceded and chose his Thomas the Train book.

As we walked through the yard, I frantically pushed my hair behind my ears, smoothed my shirt as best I could, and attempted to tame his crazy hairs with my spit and fingers.

We made it to the front door...knocked...and waited. A few seconds later, it opened...

With a smile on her face she greeted us. Titus ran right in, circling the jewelry tables, anxious to show off his Thomas book to anyone who would listen. I, on the other hand, was oblivious to his craziness.

I couldn't stop staring.

My friend was captivating!!

Was it her clothes? They were definitely cute, but...no, that wasn't it.
Was it her jewelry? Her earrings were pretty...loved the color...but...no, that wasn't it either.

So what was it?

Her hair? No. Due to chemo, she didn't have any.
Her figure? Even after surgery, she looked great! But that wasn't it either.

At the moment, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. All I knew is that she was radiant!

Lori Ford,  precious friend and breast cancer fighter, was absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

Standing there, I was mesmerized.

Beauty.

True Beauty. I have questioned what this looks like my whole life. I've wrestled with it. Struggled with it. Envied it. I've strived for it and I've fallen short of it...more times than I can count.

In that moment, standing in her entryway, captivated by her smile, I was overcome with conviction (my unleashed thoughts from earlier still rolling through mind.) "My clothes, Titus' clothes, hair, makeup, complexion, weight...does it even matter? Why in the world  have I let those meaningless things consume me so?" I took one look into her gorgeous eyes, glowing with Christ, and the words of Proverbs 31 flooded my heart...

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

October. It is breast cancer awareness month.
Breast cancer. It is difficult...it is painful...but it can't touch true beauty.

A steadfast heart, fixed on Him...is unbreakable. Unshakable.

Wrinkles appear. Zits scar. Eye liner smears. Hair falls out. Weight is gained. Weight is lost...

Beauty, as the world sees it...is indeed fleeting.

Yet,

true beauty lies within.

To the precious ladies in my life who have fought and are fighting breast cancer, and to the many others who are walking the same road, proclaiming Christ in their weakness....I want to say thank you! Thank you for showing us what it truly means to live a graceful life poured out in devotion to Christ. Never forget that you are beautiful. Truly BEAUTIFUL! Inside and out.  

"You are Good"

"Way wit me Mommy!"

After just laying down in bed, I slowly stand up, stifling a groan.  

Although I can't see him, I can tell that his pacifier is in his mouth and tears are running down his cheeks. 

He cries out again, "Way wit me Mommy!"

I walk down the hallway, trying my best not to roll my eyes.

Yawning, I open his door.

I am so tired. 

"Mommy? Come way wit me...peas." 

I walk over to his bed, exhausted. 

I lay down beside him...

and soon, I feel his little hand on my arm. 

I turn on my side and begin wiping the tears from his face.

He is so quiet.

I whisper, "are you ok?"

He whispers back, "yeah, I'm ok."

"Do you want me to sing you a song?" I softly ask.

"Yeah" he whispers in response.

"What song do you want me to sing?" I ask again.

"Sing Daddy Michael song" he gently says. 

I smile, grab his hand, and softly begin singing one of his favorite songs...

You put a song in my heart, 

to sing of your grace,

that my precious groom's blood,

has my sin erased.

I hear him humming along and soon, as best he can, he joins me on the next verse...

You have healed every scar,

but left them to speak,

of your wondrous love, 

and strength for the weak.

As we start in on the chorus, he gets louder, trying his hardest to sing all the words...

You heal,

You redeem,

by the power of your blood,

Praise my God, 

Praise my Savior,

for your sake,

You are good...

We continue singing and then together, we end the song...

For your sake...

You are good.

I swallow the lump in my throat and smile again as I kiss his forehead. My heart is full.

These moments, these precious moments...they take my breath away.

HE is so faithful.  

I stay there beside him and soon, I hear his shallow, even breaths.

Gently, I peel his tiny fingers off my arm and quietly stand up.

Before I walk out, I pull the covers up around him.  

I close his door, and as I head to my room, I am overcome by gratitude. 

When days are long, when days are hard...HE is good.

When exhaustion overtakes us, when the future seems uncertain...we can still sing. 

At sunset...

At sunrise...

When the clouds roll in and the storms come...

When they roll back out and the winds cease.

We can still sing...even in the pain.

We can continue to dance...even in the rain.

You heal,
You redeem,
by the power of your blood,
Praise my God, 
Praise my Savior,
for your sake,
You are good. 

Lyrics written by Michael Piatt in 2009 (two and a half years after he was first diagnosed with brain cancer)

"A Storybook Kind of Love"

I Love You More
Written by Laura Duksta

Walking outdoors one day, a little boy turned to his mother and asked, "Mommy, just how much do you love me?" Surprised at the question but with no delay, she replied with a smile...

"I love you higher than the highest bird ever flew.

I love you taller than the tallest tree ever grew.

I love you longer than the longest path ever wound.

I love you prettier than the prettiest flower ever found.

I love you deeper than the deepest fish ever swam.

I love you stronger than the strongest big river dam.

I love you mightier than the mightiest wind ever blew.

I love you fuller than the fullest moon you ever knew.

I love you brighter than the brightest star ever shown.

I love you more, so much more than you've ever known."

Then she wrapped her arms around him with all the love that she had and he felt it all surround him...

when he gently whispered, "know what mommy?...

I love you more!"

Walking along a path one day a mother turned to her son and asked, "So, just how much do you love me?" Ready for the question, the little boy took her hand and began...

"I love you quieter than the quietest caterpillar ever creeped.

I love you further than the furthest frog ever leaped.

I love you bigger than the biggest bubble ever blown.

I love you freer than the freest kite ever flown.
I love you higher than the highest swing ever swung.

I love you sweeter than the sweetest song ever sung.

I love you longer than the longest lollipop ever lasted.
I love you louder than the loudest rocket ship ever blasted.
I love you taller than the tallest giraffe ever grown.

 I love you more, so much more than you've ever known."

Then he wrapped his arms around her with all the love that he had and she felt it all surround her...

 when she gently whispered, "know what son?...

 I love you more!"

Happy Birthday Titus Michael!!
I thank the Lord everyday for you, sweet boy!

"A Decade of Friendship"

As I sit here in my living room, stretched out on the couch typing away, I can't help but smile. A purple "Rosie" the train is snuggled between two cushions next to me and "Mater" the tow truck is chillin' next to a baby seat on the floor. An extra chair is pushed up to the kitchen table and crumbs from little people (and big people) are scattered underneath. Although it may sound crazy, as I am relaxed in this moment, I can even smell the faint aroma of four different homes still lingering together in the air around me. Beautiful. 

This morning was bittersweet as I watched three of my closest college girlfriends drive out of my driveway.  Bitter because they were leaving Titus and I, and sweet because they were heading back to their homes. Their families. Their husbands. Their lives. The lives we prayed for. The lives we dreamed about. Ten years ago, when we first met...

Amber. As weird as it sounds, her and I met in a bathroom our freshman year at SFA. We were both hiding out...escaping a big crowd of well intentioned upper classmen. (That "get to know you" small talk had us both unnerved!!) Since we were the only two chickadees hiding out, we did what any two 18 years old girls would do...we smiled and said Hi and then we silently summed each other up!...and in doing so, we discovered that we were both wearing "Bubble Gum" jeans! We started laughing and hit it off fast!

Mary. When you are a freshman in college, and you're at welcome week at the BSM, everyone wants to get to know you, and when I was unable to sneak into the bathroom for an escape, I ended up having some pretty cool conversations! One of those great convos was with a sweet girl named Mary. As we talked we came to realize that we had so much in common! We hit it off instantly and have been friends ever since!

April. After I had changed my major from Elementary Education to Deaf Education I went to watch an intramural volleyball game with a couple of friends, including Amber. After sharing with Amber all about what I had just done, she pointed out a girl from her dorm named April on the court who had told her just recently about doing the very same thing! I couldn't believe it! After the game, I went over to meet her and we clicked immediately! We ended up enrolling for a few of the same classes that next semester...and the rest is history! 

Amber, Mary, and April. Three of the most precious women you will ever know or ever have the privilege of meeting. 

I can't believe it has already been ten years since we first met!

I love these girls more than I can even express. Their sweet faces grace some of the most exciting and crazy memories that I have from college and their presence and prayers have lifted my spirit more times than I can even count these six years since.

C.S Lewis once said, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."

Surviving this life is one thing. Surviving with friends is quite another. 

I am so thankful to have these girls in my life! Even when I had nothing else to give, they continued to make sacrifices and and were there for me. They have taught me so much about being a true friend. In the ups and the downs. In the good times and the bad.    

I love that we are still close after all these years, even though we live so far from each other. And I love that our children will grow up knowing one another as well. 

What a time we had all together these last few days! 

                             

A fabulous cookie cake...a must!!!

Laughter...lots and lots of laughter!!

Sweet babies! 

Karis (April's), Titus, Chloe and Brynn (Amber's)

(Clockwise from left: Mary, Amber, April, Me)

I love you girls and I am so very thankful for our
"decade of friendship!"

"A Father's Day Ponder"

Father's Day.


A day to remember and to celebrate our father.
The father who loved you, gave of himself for you, and stood beside you...no matter what. The father who rocked you the day you were born, kissed you forehead, and showed you, by sweet example, how to love. The father who had hands so strong, you felt protected just holding one. The father who taught you things and explained the hard concepts so patiently. The father who served you and cared for you. The father who never complained as he endlessly worked day in and day out for you. The father who taught you how to pray. The father who truly saw people...and the father who showed you, by rock solid example, how to as well. The father who never liked attention for himself, but gave it so readily to you. The father with the contagious laughter. The father with the fast pace. The father who loved you. The father you loved. The father...whose name to you, was Daddy.

Father's Day.


A day to remember and to celebrate our Father.
The Father who loves you, gave His Son for you, and stands beside you...no matter what. The Father who gives life and ends life. The Father who comforts you and brings peace to your heart. The Father who saves you and brings joy to your soul. The Father who heals. The Father who reigns on High and rules with Sovereignty. The Father who sees all...knows all. He is the Father who calms your fear, who gives you breath. The Father who takes your sin and makes you whole. The Father who loves you. The Father you love. The Father...whose name to you, is Yahweh. 


"But you O God, do see trouble and grief... you are the helper of the fatherless....You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed. In order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." Psalm 10: 14-18


Father's Day.


A day to remember and to celebrate, not only our earthly fathers, but also our Heavenly Father.


"What a privilege it is, O God, to be your child!" 


Happy Father's Day!

"A Year to Remember"

This past year, I had the opportunity to stay home with Titus and to keep my precious nephew Levi. 

With that being said, I must admit, there were some moments that I feared CrAZiNesS was going to overtake me! However, I can honestly say, that having the purpose each morning to love and to be loved by two adventurous little boys, made my heart glad and my soul rejoice!

The sweet memories of each day and every moment (even those I just mentioned above) will forever remain on my mind and in my heart.

I have and will continue to consider them a beautiful gift.

A gift that I am extremely thankful for...and one that I will treasure forever!

(Thanks to cousin Hope, we now know that these boys are going to make AWESOME daddies! )

Levi and Titus.
Cousins by birth.

Friends for life.

“Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from Him.” Psalm 127:3

Thank you, Aaron and Justin, for sharing your precious little boy with me this year! It truly was...  A Year to Remember!  

"April Showers"

My "Journey to One Thousand" continues...

633. A beautiful day for a trip to the park!

634. He loves to play on the "big kid" slides! (Such an adventurer!)

635. He ate his first box of popcorn and loved it! 

636. He is getting so big...and heavy! 

637. Thankful for two strong legs! (He walks and runs so well!)

...

645. UMHB's Easter Pageant. 

646. My cousin Coley, so humbly, playing the role of Jesus.

...

651. "Resurrection Cookies" with Ma J! 

652. A kitchen filled with laughter! :)

653. Easter morning! (Praise God, the grave has been conquered!) 

654. A sunrise breakfast in the backyard. 

655. Baby ducks and baby chicks. (Thank you Uncle Justin!) 

656. Hunting Easter eggs with his cousins.

657. Happy boys playing on the trampoline.

...
663. A day spent outside in the sunshine!

664. No bake, chewy granola bars.
665. Dark Chocolate covered gogi berries...yum!
...
670. Productive days.
671. Sunday morning praise and worship.
672. A kindergarten class full of precious kiddos.
...
675. Tossing the football and practicing math facts (with a special 4th grader!)
676. Shooting hoops together in the hot sun.
...
680. He climbs into his high chair all by himself.
681. He loves to eat fruit!
682. Picking and eating blackberries from the yard.
683. The smell of jasmine blooming.
684. Legs buried in the sand!

685. Catching bugs with a curious toddler!

...

690. A baseball game with Nana and Paw-Paw.

691. He loves riding in Paw-Paw's big blue truck!

692. Two blonde cousins sharing a big bowl of popcorn!

693. A fun evening spent with family. 

...

707. His smile makes me smile...every time!

708. His laugh makes me laugh...every time!

...

711. He pats my back so sweetly when he hugs me...love it.

...

720. He thinks it's fun to help mommy mow the yard!

721. He loves to play outside!

722. Watching him play in the rain...so fun!

723."Hi Mommy!" (I love to hear that first thing in the morning!)
724. Calls and texts from sweet friends.
725. The love of family.

April was indeed FULL of showers! 

Showers of beautiful blessings. 

May our hearts fill with joy, dear friends, as we learn to look up...even in the rain... and see the goodness of the Lord!