It was one of those days...
a chaotic Thursday.
I rushed out of the Special Education building after work...feeling frumpy. I was tired...and I knew I looked it.
Just to be sure, as soon as my "pockets" hit the seat of my car, I pulled the visor down and flipped open the mirror.
Confirmation.
Eye liner smeared, blemishes bright red, lips chapped, eye brows a disaster...and hair...well, let's not even go there.
"Eww."
I slammed the mirror shut and started the car.
In need of some affirmation...or a good cry...I flipped on some good ol' country music. It was just what I needed...fuel for my bad mood. Nourishment for my low confidence. Mile after mile, song after song, my pitiful state continued...
"It's not Wednesday, Taylor Swift. It's Thursday...and I'm not in a cafe, I'm in the car. I'm always in the car!!"
"Ugh!"
"If the 93Q plays your sweet little song one more time, Hunter Hayes...I'm gonna scream!!"
Frustrated, I turned down the music and stared off into the distance as I waited for the light to change.
As soon as it turned green, I began to yawn. My hand reached up to cover it... and it was then that I felt it. Zit number (who knows what!) was forming on my chin. "You have got to be kidding me!!!" I thought as I yanked the visor down once again.
Confirmation.
It was red. It was tender... and it was ugly!
"Can't a girl catch a break?!"
An old familiar tune started up in my head as I slammed the mirror closed and continued my drive...
"Nobody loves me... (I mean how could they? With this hair? and these eyebrows?!)
Everybody hates me... (of course they do! EVERYBODY does!)
I guess I'll go eat worms!...(if only they'd help my complexion!)"
I arrived at "church school" and was greeted by my hyper-active two year old.
Although he ran to me, calling "Mommy!!" all I could see was the hideous outfit he had on. The shirt was a little snug and the shorts...uh...definitely not a match. ("Why were those the change of clothes I had in his backpack anyways?!") I looked up at the teacher and she quickly explained that he had had an accident at nap time. "Great!" I thought as we made our way back to the car "aren't we a lovely pair?!"
I pulled out of the parking lot and made a turn towards Humble. A friend of mine, that I used to teach with, was hosting an after school jewelry party at her house. (The proceeds would benefit a lady in need at her church.) I told her I'd stop by.
A few minutes later, I was parked out front. I told Titus he could pick one toy to take in. He threw a little fit and then finally conceded and chose his Thomas the Train book.
As we walked through the yard, I frantically pushed my hair behind my ears, smoothed my shirt as best I could, and attempted to tame his crazy hairs with my spit and fingers.
We made it to the front door...knocked...and waited. A few seconds later, it opened...
With a smile on her face she greeted us. Titus ran right in, circling the jewelry tables, anxious to show off his Thomas book to anyone who would listen. I, on the other hand, was oblivious to his craziness.
I couldn't stop staring.
My friend was captivating!!
Was it her clothes? They were definitely cute, but...no, that wasn't it.
Was it her jewelry? Her earrings were pretty...loved the color...but...no, that wasn't it either.
So what was it?
Her hair? No. Due to chemo, she didn't have any.
Her figure? Even after surgery, she looked great! But that wasn't it either.
At the moment, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. All I knew is that she was radiant!
Lori Ford, precious friend and breast cancer fighter, was absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
Standing there, I was mesmerized.
Beauty.
True Beauty. I have questioned what this looks like my whole life. I've wrestled with it. Struggled with it. Envied it. I've strived for it and I've fallen short of it...more times than I can count.
In that moment, standing in her entryway, captivated by her smile, I was overcome with conviction (my unleashed thoughts from earlier still rolling through mind.) "My clothes, Titus' clothes, hair, makeup, complexion, weight...does it even matter? Why in the world have I let those meaningless things consume me so?" I took one look into her gorgeous eyes, glowing with Christ, and the words of Proverbs 31 flooded my heart...
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
October. It is breast cancer awareness month.
Breast cancer. It is difficult...it is painful...but it can't touch true beauty.
A steadfast heart, fixed on Him...is unbreakable. Unshakable.
Wrinkles appear. Zits scar. Eye liner smears. Hair falls out. Weight is gained. Weight is lost...
Beauty, as the world sees it...is indeed fleeting.
Yet,
true beauty lies within.
To the precious ladies in my life who have fought and are fighting breast cancer, and to the many others who are walking the same road, proclaiming Christ in their weakness....I want to say thank you! Thank you for showing us what it truly means to live a graceful life poured out in devotion to Christ. Never forget that you are beautiful. Truly BEAUTIFUL! Inside and out.
