Thankful for "The Unknown"

May, 2000 - Dear Lord... I am scared of the future...of the unknown.


Recently, I found myself flipping through a couple of my old prayer journals. The trend I noticed; especially in my younger years, was a steady and earnest plea for the Lord to take away my fears. Fears of the future. Fears of the unknown. I even came across one desperate entry that begged God to show me a glimpse of my future. I wanted so badly for Him to map out my life. I wanted to know what my tomorrows were going to look like. I wanted to know who I was going to marry. I wanted to know where my life was headed. I wanted to know it all. I wanted to know so that I wouldn't have to worry about it. I wanted to know so that I could stop being so fearful. I wanted to know...for once it is known...there is no longer any "unknown."


As I continued to flip through my journals-past to present-I found myself completely overwhelmed. From childhood to adulthood, HE never changed. When I couldn't spell and my handwriting was too messy to read...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When adolescence hit and my emotions were all over the place...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When I went off to college... when I doubted my faith...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When I got engaged...when I got married...when I started teaching...when cancer hit...when times got hard...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When leukemia entered our family...when dad passed away...when I found out I was pregnant...when the biopsy results confirmed more tumor....HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When Titus was born...when Michael got weaker...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When Michael passed away...HE was there...and praise God...His Word gave me strength.


Eleven years ago...had God made known to me the unknown...I would have completely crumbled. I begged God for answers about the future so that I wouldn't have to fear it. Oh, how very confused I was. Had I been given facts about the future, I would have drowned in fear. The very thing I was trying to escape, would have in fact, eaten me alive.


My first thought in all this was, "man, I'm sure glad God didn't answer my prayers back then!" As I continued to ponder, however, these questions came to mind: Did God answer my prayers? Did He calm my fears about the future? Did He ease my anxiety about the unknown? I then began flipping back through those same pages of those same prayer journals with a different outlook and what I found, left me speechless:


December 1998- "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
August 1999- "I will never leave you and I will never forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
June 2001- "Your word, O God, is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."
November 2002- "I eagerly hope and expect that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always, Christ will  be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Phil. 1:20-21
September 2003- "Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where O death is your victory? Where O death is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15: 54-57
June 2004- ""Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the wold gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
October 2004- "When I said, 'my foot is slipping', your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94: 18-19
April 2006- "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name you are mine."


Wow... God does answer our prayers! His answers may look a little different than expected...but He always answers! You see...I asked for a picture...a movie...a book of my life that I could read. I wanted a timeline. A beginning...a middle...and an end. A map...fully marked with each encounter and destination. However...what God gave me instead, was the promise of "new mercies." New mercies for everyday. He gave me verses then that I can cling to now. It may have been an answer to a prayer and a lesson that has taken me years to see and learn; however, one thing is certain...one thing has been made completely clear...no matter what the future may bring...HE will be there and His Word will give me strength.


March, 2011- Dear Lord...although the future still scares me sometimes...I know it is in your hands...and by your grace, I can honestly and sincerely say,  that I am so very "thankful for the unknown."