"Take Heart!"

A couple of weeks ago, I had the incredible opportunity to visit the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina and Tennessee with my grandparents, my mom, and my sweet little boy.  We had an unbelievable time! I am so very thankful for each moment that we spent together,  for every experience that we shared, and for each adventures that we had!  

One of those adventures was ZIP-LINING! 

Thanks to my sweet grandparents, who kept an eye on Titus, my mom and I were able to do this! I have wanted to zip-line for SO long and I could not wait to get geared up! 

Once we checked in, we were introduced to the other members of our group. I looked around at the 7 men standing before me. All of them in their late 20's early 30's. All of them friends...some were family. What brought them all together on this particular day? To this particular zip-lining course? Well, quickly we learned that one of them was about to get the ol' "ball and chain." So...a group of his buddies got together to throw him a big "Smoky Mountain Bachelor Party!" "Oh great," I thought, "out of all the groups that have come to do this course today, this is the one that my mom and I get stuck with!" Although this was my initial reaction, it sure didn't last long. They were terrific guys who made the experience all the more fun! (Hats off to the Baltimore men and their motto: "zip-line first, booze later!") Had the motto been reversed...it could have been bad out there! :)  

After hiking up the side of the mountain to the first platform, our 6o year old guide, who by the way, did not seem winded AT ALL...turned to us, and with a crooked smile, dramatcially asked..."whooo's first?" I looked around and silently waited, for what seemed like FOREVER! In reality, however, it was probably only like half a second! Although I was about ready to jump out of my skin with excitement...I made myself pause. Surely the adventurous men needed a chance to tackle their way to the platform! So, for a split second, I waited. However, there was 

nothing. Silence. Nobody volunteered...not even my mother. So,  I threw my hand up in the air and in a nervous/excited high pitched voice, yelled "I'll go!" I jumped up on the platform and the younger guide clipped me onto the line. The older guide, whose name was Evelynn, looked at me again with that crooked smile and laughed..."I'll see you on the other side!" She leaned back, pushed off, and as she was flying through the air we could hear her chuckle as she yelled..."This is why they call me 'Evil'-ynn!" My eyes got big and I thought to myself "oh my...that woman is going to eat me!" However, there was no turning back. "Alright", the guide said, "now don't forget...left hand holds on...right hand breaks. Now bend your knees, lean back, and take off!"

WOW! There is NOTHING like zip-lining through a mountain forest! I think I screamed the whole way across to that first platform...and once "Evil"-ynn came into view...I am pretty sure that my screams got even louder! :)

What an incredible experience! So freeing! So relaxing! SO FUN!!! :)

You know, sometimes, it is SO nice to go somewhere where nobody knows you. Where nobody knows your story. Where nobody knows anything about you. When you are somewhere like that...you can tell someone your name and absolutely no recognition or emotion crosses their face. Their eyes stay dry and they don't get ackward or weird. You can actually start to feel somewhat normal in a place like this.

You can feel normal, that is, until your zip-lining guide asks you a question...one that takes you completely off guard. One you weren't prepared for. You see, had you been prepared, you would have had an answer already planned out...already rehearsed. But you had nothing. So, you just babble around for a minute and then pour out your whole sob story to an innocent small talker who really meant no harm at all in her questioning. (Poor "Evil"-ynn. She sure didn't know what she was getting herself into when she decided to bat the breeze with me!)

She had seen Titus from a distance when my grandparents had dropped my mom and I off at the tour office. During one of our water breaks, her and I start talking and she asked me whose baby that was at the front office. I told her that he was mine. I was then ready to answer the string of questions that usually follow a statement like that. You know: "How old is he? What's his name? Do you have any other kids?" By the time questions like these get rolling, I can usually turn them around and get the topic off me. I was prepared...I was ready. However, instead she asks: "Well, where is his daddy? Didn't he want to come zip-lining with you?"

Ugh! Of course he would have wanted to zip-line with me! He would have LOVED it! 

Although I was the first one off the platform when we started, I was the last one off as we ended. Evelyn was left with me on the platform. She looked at me and said "I am so sorry about your husband. What are you going to do?" I smiled and then responded with..."well, today I am zip-lining!" She chuckled and then said "Well good for you! We just got to keep living our lives don't we?" I wholeheartedly agreed. I then told her how God has been so good to me and that it is only by His strength that I am able to stand. She looked at me, smiled, and nodded her head.  She went on to tell me that not too long ago, her mom passed away from cancer. It was after that happened that she decided to live her "bucket list" and move to the mountains. She needed an escape.

After my brief conversation with sweet "Evil"ynn, I took my final leap off the platform. AWESOME! 

One thing that became clear to me this week is that I will never be able to run from my reality. No matter how far I go or what distances I travel. My past will always be my past. My experiences will always be my experiences. Good or bad...they are a part of me. I can pretend that things are different. Pretend that I've escaped; however, no amount of pretending can make the truth fade. The heartache go away. The sadness disappear. 

I said earlier that I sometimes want to just feel "normal." But what is normal? Pain free? Because that life certainly doesn't exist for anybody.

Life is hard. For everyone. It doesn't matter how young or how old you are. It is hard.

Thankfully...

there is hope.

Jesus says:

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" John 16:33

When life seems unbearable. When difficult experiences seem to suffocate. When we try to run away from our troubles and vanish from our realities, we can be comforted; knowing that this life is not all there is.  (Zip-lining was an unbelievable experience...but even it cannot compare to the glory that awaits God's children in heaven.) Although we don't always understand His ways, we can trust that His purposes are always for the good. 

Praise God...we serve a risen Savior! 

Praise God...He has overcome the world! 

Praise God...in midst of hard times, we are able to "Take heart!" 

"Thank You Mom"

Twenty years ago, if you had walked into my bedroom, you would have seen a big rectangle window on the far wall, opposite of you. Centered under that window you'd have seen my white day bed covered with a comforter full of pastel flowers. Sitting proudly among the very colorful pillows was Mr. Bear. (Although I would love to take the credit for such a creative name, I cannot. Stephanie from "Full House" claimed that name for her teddy bear long before I ever laid eyes on my fluffy Prince Charming.)  Even though he was missing an eye and some of his stuffing from a batting accident that occurred when my sweet brother decided to "play" with him, you would have thought he was beautiful! I know what you must be thinking: "Where in the world did you get such a special teddy bear?" Well, the answer to that question is easy. I got him from my mom.


Thank you for Mr. Bear, Mom! 


If you continued to look around my room, you would have seen a long dresser on the right wall with a big mirror on top. You would have seen a Bouncy Baby doll house in the corner and a closet, directly to your left, full of clothes, shoes, purses, and tubs of Barbie dolls. On the left wall was my American Girl Doll trunk and further down the wall was my night stand. One of my favorite things about this room, however, were the curtains. These weren't just any curtains, mind you, for they were not located over the window. Instead, they started a few feet away from the window and stretched the width of the room. They were split down the middle and attached at the ceiling. Each side was gathered and tied with white lace on the opposite walls. To get to my bed, you had to walk through a mint green "curtain canopy." I felt like a princess. Who was the master mind behind and the creator of these adorable curtains? Yep! You guessed it. My mom.


Thank you for my fairy tale bedroom Mom. I loved it!


Right next to the closet door, you would have seen a little wooden picture frame. In that frame, outlined in pink, was a drawing of two little lambs with the words "Ewe are loved" written under them. Directly under the frame was a little wooden shelf. On that shelf sat two little wooden lambs; their painted faces, full of personality. The shelf on the left wall was a little bigger. A little longer. This shelf held small glass tea sets, dainty figurines, and numerous porcelain dolls. Right in the middle of the shelf, however, sat a crocheted white lamb with black eyes and a black nose. I loved my room and I loved my lambs. Why did I love my lambs so much? They reminded me of Psalm 23. Why in the world would a 7 year old little girl even care about Psalm 23? The answer...my mom. You see, I was a fearful child. Scared of the dark. Scared of being left alone. Scared of thunder storms.  Scared of strangers. Scared of Santa Claus (I needed assurance one Christmas Eve that the chimney was locked!). I was even scared of Disney World characters (Though "Rescue Rangers" was my favorite cartoon back in the day, when Chip and Dale came over to give me a high-five in the Magic Kingdom, I came completely unglued! And my encounter with Mickey Mouse...well, let's just not even go there!). For some reason, everything from a massive toad in my roller skate to a "Scooby Doo" episode terrified me. During one of my fits of fear, however, mom crawled up in bed beside me. She opened up my Bible and read aloud Psalm 23. She even gave me a pen and let me underline it all by myself. She told me that we are all like little lambs and that the Lord is our Shepherd. She told me that when we put our trust in Him, He will always take care of us...that we have nothing to fear. She then helped me to memorize the passage. Anytime after that, if she saw me afraid, she would gently remind me of those verses. To this day, when I see a lamb, I am reminded of that special time Mom and I shared, of God's protection, and how He shepherds and cares for His sheep.


Thank you for that Mom.

As the years went on and life moved me further and further away from that bedroom, my mom and I got  closer. People tell me all the time that I look like her. Sometimes, I even get told that I act just like her too. Although some daughters may dread comments like these, I consider them to be the highest compliments anyone could ever give me. Everything about her, as a person and as a mom, I admire. For 27 years I have watched her...and for 27 years I have learned from her.


When I was sick...she would fix me chicken noodle and homemade potato soup. She would keep me hydrated with Kool-aid, Sprite, and sweet tea. She always had Popsicles in the fridge and warm salt water for me to gargle. There were bowls of vanilla wafers, goldfish, dry fruit loops, and stacks of saltine crackers. She would always make me eat a little something before I could take any medicine and she would place a cool, wet washcloth on my forehead when I had a headache or to relieve fever. She taught me, by example, how to gently care for someone who is sick.


Thank you Mom.


When I was 14...I had to have surgery to remove a knot from my collarbone. I was terrified. The morning of the surgery, however, Mom prayed with me and gave me an index card with Isaiah 41:10 written on it. "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." I remember saying it over and over to myself that morning...even as the anesthesia kicked in. By example, she showed me how to calm an anxious heart before a frightful surgery.


Thank you Mom.


September 15, 2009...she sat beside my dad with a smile on her face. The hospital room was crazy...doctors coming in, nurses hustling about, monitors being checked, machines being turned on and then off again, morphine being administered, oxygen being turned up. Dad kept his eyes on mom and her smiled never wavered. At one point Dad asked her "what do we do now?" Mom gently took his hands and calmly said "we just wait for you to get better." She never let go of his hands and never left his side. For my entire life I watched them together. This day was no different. Dad couldn't take his eyes off her and there was no other place that she wanted to be than right there beside him. In midst of chaos, Mom was strong, Dad was calm...and the room was so peaceful. Graciously she showed me, by sweet example, how to love unto death and to seek the Lord in grief, pain, and suffering. "God is Sovereign" she would tell me in the days after. I saw her seek Christ in her pain and rely on His strength to make it through each day. As I watched her, I finally began to see this life for what it really is...our temporary home. Her lack of fear reminded me also of that beautiful passage she led me to memorize so very long ago..."The Lord is my Shepherd...even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For You are with me."


Thank you Mom.


She has always been there for me. Though I cried on the phone with her every morning on my way to school that first year of teaching, she always answered my calls. She would come and stay weeks at a time with us in Fort Worth when Michael was going through his treatments. At hospital stays, she was the first visitor there in the mornings and the last one to leave in the evenings. To be quite honest, I think there were some nights that she didn't leave. I found her once, sitting in a far corner of the waiting room reading a magazine long after she had told us "goodnight." Her excuse was "well, I started this article earlier and I just wanted to finish it before I left." I fussed at her for still being there...but deep down, I was so thankful. Very few people could really understand how difficult the days and nights could be...but she did.


Thank you Mom.


She was right there beside me...holding my hand, encouraging me to breathe, feeding me ice chips, and helping me through labor pains when Titus was born. She was also there, right beside me, in the difficult days, weeks, and months that followed. She was there then...and she continues to be there now.  


"Thank you Mom." 


I pray that I am at least half the mother to Titus that you have been to me.


I love you. 

Happy Mother's Day!

"My Father's Eyes"

Unfortunately, I was one of those kids. A little too confident when I probably shouldn't have been. It was early to mid 90's, and I truly felt as though I rocked the side pony tail and my first pair of eye glasses. I had a Coca-Cola hair bow and popcorn pieces painted on my bright blue socks. I definitely knew how to work it back then! And let's not forget about the teal green cassette Walkman clipped to my lovely and very pleated orange shorts. Man...I was cool!

I had just bought that Walkman with my own money and I was pumped! So, for Christmas that year...I asked for cassettes! Oh the cassettes! They came in waves from family members! To make things even more fun, I got a matching teal green cassette case to put them all in! I felt on top of the world! 

Although I can't remember half of the cassettes that were in that case...one clearly sticks out in my mind: Amy Grant's "Father's Eyes." I used to sing the hit song on that cassette over and over. I would walk around the house, with my headphones on, and completely annoy my brother and sister with my loud singing of those lyrics. Their response to my annoyance was pretty brutal. They would first make fun of me for listening to Amy Grant, and second, they would tell me that I sounded awful! Deep down, however, I knew they were just jealous. I knew that I sounded just like her...if not better! :)

Even now, when I think about the song "Father's Eyes," I can't help but smile. I remember that teal Walkman and I can still hear those lyrics...word for word.

The song is about a woman wanting desperately to reflect her Heavenly Father in all things. When people look her direction, she doesn't want them to see her, she wants them to see Christ. When they look into her eyes...she wants them to see her "Father's eyes."

As a girl...this song intrigued me. To be quite honest, I am not sure why. Maybe it is because I liked all the "runs" in the music. (Despite what my siblings thought about it, I personally felt as though I sang them quite well!) Maybe it was because the song was super slooowww and it didn't take me long to memorize it. Or maybe the whole "Father" thing intrigued me. I guess I had never really thought about God being our "Heavenly Father" before. The thought of Him being real and having eyes definitely made me think. My mom and sister had brown eyes. My dad and brother had blue eyes. My eyes were green. Who were my eyes like? Thinking that my eyes could look just like His fascinated me. And so I sang...at the top of my lungs...I sang! :) 

Now that I am older, I see things a little differently. 

Having the eyes of Christ. Living a life that brings glory to God in all things. Proclaiming Him in all situations. Seeing people as God sees them. Feeling their pain. Having compassion. Loving, forgiving, trusting, obeying. Clinging to the cross. Reflecting Him...no matter what.

I can't help but think about Michael. He always saw the good in things...the good in people. He wanted so desperately to see things the way God saw them. He truly had his Heavenly Father's eyes. 

Michael had six surgeries throughout the four years he fought brain cancer. Five of those surgeries were done at the MDAnderson Cancer Center in Houston. All five of them were done by Dr. Jeffrey Weinberg.

This past weekend, many of us had the privilege of running a 5K in honor of Michael. The Run for the Rose event was held on April 10th at Reliant Park in Houston. The Run raised over $440,000 for brain cancer research. The entire event was an incredible thing to be a part of. 

At the starting line, I ran in to Dr. Weinberg. He was a part of the medical team for the race. I hadn't seen him in over a year and I was thrilled that I had a brief opportunity to thank him in person for all his efforts in Michael's treatment. He and his team are remarkable.  They were so good to us and treated us like family during our entire journey at MDAnderson. Although the thought of another brain surgery had both Michael and I on edge at times, when Dr. Weinberg and his nurse walked into the room, we were put at ease immediately. They have an unbelievably hard job to do, and they do it so very well. They never gave up on us, and for that, I will forever be grateful. 

After I crossed the finish line, I saw him again. This time...I was able to talk to him a bit longer. I got to talking about Titus and I told Dr. Weinberg that he looked just like Michael. He had his hair, his coloring, and his eyes. Dr. Weinberg looked at me, smiled, and said "well, I can't honestly say that I ever saw Michael with hair...but I do remember his eyes." After a little while, my mom came over with Titus. When Dr. Weinberg saw him...he just kept saying "wow, he really does have Michael's eyes." His family was also at the race and when he introduced us, he said to his wife "this little guy has his daddy's eyes." 

People say that all the time: "Titus has Michael's eyes." I always smile when I hear that. I loved Michael's eyes. They were a beautiful blue. They were slightly slanted and had a "puppy dog" feel to them. They were absolutely precious. It fills my heart with joy to know that Titus has those same eyes. 

His father's eyes. 

May Titus grow to love you Lord. May he learn to see things like you do. May his beautiful blue eyes, that look so much like his earthly father's eyes, reflect You. May they reflect Your Son. As he grows older, may his heart's cry be...just like his daddy's was..."I want My Father's Eyes!" 

      

"Cancer Sucks...but God is Good!"

This past weekend, I was given the opportunity to speak at Relay for Life. The event began Friday evening and went through Saturday morning, April 1-2. It was held in Liberty, TX. 

Friday night, I shared the following: 

Hello...my name is Brooke Piatt and I am extremely honored to be here tonight! Having been personally affected by cancer, I consider it a tremendous privilege to be apart of this year’s Relay for Life and to join you all in the fight against cancer!

When Mrs. Menard asked me a while back if I wanted to speak tonight, my first thought was, “Oh my, what am I going to say?” So, I began to think...what could I say about cancer that will encourage someone? Someone who has cancer. Someone who has survived cancer. Someone who has been a caregiver for a cancer patient. Someone who is a family member or a close friend of a cancer patient. What in the world can I say that will bring them any encouragement?

Then it hit me. The only thing that I know about cancer is my personal story of cancer. How it has affected me. How it has affected my family. How it has affected my entire life. The same is for you. The only thing you know about cancer is your personal stories of cancer. How it has affected you. How it has affected your families and how it has affected and completely changed your lives. Everybody’s stories are so different...so unique...and so very attached to their individual situations. We have all responded to and have gone about our cancer journeys very differently. I have a feeling, however, no matter how different our stories may be, when we all hear or think of the word CANCER...our response is probably the same: CANCER SUCKS!  No other way around it...it just does!

My husband, Michael Piatt, was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma Grade 4 brain tumor in October of 2006...just four months after we were married.

Cancer sucks? Absolutely!

After that frightful day in October, Michael underwent 6 surgeries, 10 weeks of radiation, and over two years of chemotherapy. In midst of the treatment, because of the fluid build up around Michael’s brain, he endured headaches. Horrible, migraine like headaches. For a solid three years, until they were able to put a permanent shunt in to relieve the pressure, he was in pain....constant, agonizing, headache pain.

Cancer sucks? You bet it does!

In January of 2009, while Michael and I were still journeying through cancer, my dad, John Spellman, was diagnosed with Leukemia. He fought hard, and him and my mom practically lived in the hospital the whole time Dad was sick. Because Leukemia is a blood cancer, he was constantly in need of blood transfusions, and when his white count got low, infections would set in. He was miserable and his body was in constant pain. In September...just 9 months after he was diagnosed...Dad lost his fight with that terrible disease, and he past away.

Cancer sucks? Devastatingly so.

My husband Michael continued to fight, and his cancer seemed controlled for a while...however, in January of 2010...a biopsy confirmed new tumor growth. The news wasn’t good...and the doctors weren’t hopeful. In spite of the doctors’ outlook, Michael continued to press on. This past December, however, after a four-year battle, he lost his fight against brain cancer...and he too, passed away.

Cancer sucks.

I will never forget...it was one of our first days at MD Anderson. Michael and I were in the pre-op room and he was getting prepped for one of his first surgeries. A young nurse be- bopped into the room to do some poking and prodding on Michael. Pinned to her scrub shirt was a big, bright yellow button that said in bold, black letters...CANCER SUCKS! When she left the room...I turned to Michael and with frustrated emotion, I threw the following statement at him: “Well, I am in complete agreement with her button...cancer does suck!” Michael just looked at me and started laughing. He nodded his head in agreement and between chuckles...he softly said: “Yes...cancer sucks...but God is good! ”

Michael...no matter how sick he was...always found a way to proclaim Christ in all things...in all situations.

Two summers ago, Michael was working part-time at Chick-fil-a. On one of his shifts, a lady came in who had just been diagnosed with the same type of cancer Michael had. At the time, Michael’s cancer was under control. This particular lady, however, had just been given the news that there was nothing anyone could do for her. The tumor was growing rapidly and due to the location, surgery was not an option. She asked Michael to tell her his story. He did...and once he was done...he smiled and boldly proclaimed: “I praise God...for He has healed me...He is so good!” Tears began to roll down her face and she asked him: “would you still be praising God like you are if He had chosen not to heal you? Would you still be so in love with Him if you were dying right now?” Michael looked at her and gently said: “Yes ma'am...you see...He healed me long before cancer ever entered my life.” She looked at him and asked: ”Are you talking about when He saved you?” Michael smiled and said “Yes”. A tear rolled down her cheek as a peaceful expression came across her face. “Thank you” she said. “That is what I needed to hear.” She picked up her bag and walked out of the restaurant. Although Michael never saw her again on this earth...I feel in my heart that they have connected again in heaven...and they are now singing praises to God at this exact moment for their “ultimate healings”. 

Cancer sucks...but God is good!

My dad...one of the strongest men that I knew...loved his family so very much. My mom, was the love of his life. They were a team...and for my entire life...I watched them. I wanted to marry someone just like my dad...for he loved my mom and us kids so very much. He worked hard for us and gave of himself constantly. He loved my mom like Christ loved the Church...and I wanted to spend my life with someone just like him. So I I searched...and I didn’t settle...until I found him. Michael Piatt. He and my dad were so much alike in so many ways. Although they loved their families and other people much more than they loved themselves, they loved their Heavenly Father first and foremost. I will never forget the last words I heard my dad say. He was ending a prayer...and as hard as it was for him to speak...he softly and gently said: “Thank you Lord...I love you...thank you Lord.” You know...I can’t help but wonder if the last words that he spoke on this earth were the first words that he spoke in Heaven.

Cancer sucks...but God is good!

Both Michael and Dad lived lives that gave glory to God in all things...even in their cancers...even in their deaths. They weren’t perfect by any means...they were sinners just like the rest of us. However, they loved their perfect Savior so very much, and because they trusted in Him for their salvation...cancer did not shake them.

I don’t know what your individual stories are. I don’t know how cancer has affected you. I don’t know what pain you have experienced or what fears you have faced. One thing I do know...however, is that this world is full of troubles. This life is full of heartache. In midst of pain...in midst of sorrow...however, there is hope....and that hope is found in Jesus Christ. It is because of him and through him alone that we are able to gain strength for today...hope for tomorrow...and the promise of forever...praise God!

"Cancer sucks...but God is good!"

Thank you for all that you are doing here tonight to put an end to such a horrible disease.

...Goodnight.

The Man in "The Man Song"

Michael Piatt. The man of my dreams.

Was it love?

Absolutely!

Was it love at first sight?

Well...not exactly...

In Sixth grade we met...and he annoyed the fire out of me. Being the pastor's kid, he always seemed to "know it all" in Sunday School. He was small, he was cocky, and he drove me completely crazy.

Our Junior High years came and went...and still, my feelings for him remained true. He was the annoying friend of my annoying twin brother. They even looked alike...which made things even more annoying!

Early High School, the annoying duo became even closer friends. They learned to play guitar (acoustic and electric), and oh the "jam sessions!" The LOUD jam sessions! All they talked about was playing their music and starting a band. Need I say, Annoying?

By late High School...he started getting taller. He actually got pretty good on the guitar and began writing songs. He felt the Lord calling him to the ministry and he began preaching a little bit and even leading in worship. He went on mission trips and grew passionate about sharing Christ with others. He grew bold in his faith. He grew older. He grew cuter. He grew more annoying? Not so much.

The summer before our senior year of high school, we both went on a mission trip to Africa. He went to Kenya, and I went to the Ivory Coast. As excitement grew in both of our hearts and we began to prepare individually for our journeys, we couldn't help but be excited for each other. We also couldn't help but feel a connection to one other. We were going to the same Continent! A Continent where no one else in our church had been! That fact amazed us both and gave us a reason to meet together weekly for prayer. During those times we prayed for each other, for the missionaries we would meet and work with, for the people groups we would encounter, and for the individual missions we were about to embark on. It was in those prayer times that God changed my heart. It was in those prayer times that "annoyance" disappeared and in its place "attraction" emerged.

We officially began dating in December of 2001. That next August, we both headed to Nacogdoches to begin our Freshman year of college at Stephen F. Austin State University. Those four years of college were some of the best years of my life. I had an unbelievable boyfriend...one that I didn't appreciate enough. He loved me deeply and unconditionally and I didn't deserve him. He was patient. He was so very caring. He was wonderful. Although he was ready to get married right out of high school, I was a bit slower. It wasn't until our Sophomore year of college that I realized I was head over heels for him, and Fall of our  Senior year, he proposed.

June 10, 2006 we were married...and oh, what a beautiful day it was! We had an unbelievable summer together. I will forever be thankful for the time we had together as husband and wife before cancer; no matter how short it was. He was such a wonderful husband. Our first apartment came together so beautifully...and all I had to do was point! He was such a handyman. Such a hard worker. Such a servant. He truly loved me like Christ loved the Church. I was blessed beyond measure!

When cancer hit in October of 2006...he remained solid. He was the one who was sick...and yet, he was the rock in our relationship. He reminded me constantly of God's faithfulness. He would remind me of His Sovereignty in all things and gently lead me back to the cross when I drifted. He was strong. He wasn't perfect...he got scared too...and at times frustrated. However, what made him different from me was that he never ended a prayer, even one of questioning, without praising God. Praising Him for his life. Praising Him for his family. Praising Him for his cancer. He would often come home from a doctor's visit, a sub job, a hospital stay, a Chick-fil-a shift, or even a grocery store run with a smile on his face...all because someone asked about the scar on his head. He loved sharing about cancer...because it always gave him an opportunity to share about Christ. He was so thankful for that.

October 2006-December 2010, his faith never wavered. He loved, he fought, he gave, he served, he worshiped, he lived, and he died...all to the glory of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Michael Piatt. A man after God's own heart.

Michael Piatt. A faithful servant with a heart for worship.

Michael Piatt. The man of my dreams.

I can't end this post without sharing this video with you. He and his college buddy Shawn wrote this song for a talent show. Although the lyrics made me absolutely CRAZY back then...I find myself watching it more and more these days. He had a way of making me smile...no matter what he was saying...or what he was doing. Even when he would so passionately sing "The Man Song," I couldn't hold back the laughter! Does this video remind me of happier times? Yes. Does it make me upset sometimes when I see it? Absolutely. It often makes me long for the things that were and sad for the things that are no longer. But then, when I really look at his face...I am filled with joy. You see...he was sick for so long. In this video, however, he is so healthy. So full of energy. So full of life. My prayer is that when you watch it, you too will be filled with joy. That you too would be comforted. Because at this exact moment that handsome smile is back on his face. That energetic body is dancing before the throne and that beautiful voice is singing praises to our King. Praise God!

Michael Piatt. "The Man in the Man Song."

Thankful for "The Unknown"

May, 2000 - Dear Lord... I am scared of the future...of the unknown.


Recently, I found myself flipping through a couple of my old prayer journals. The trend I noticed; especially in my younger years, was a steady and earnest plea for the Lord to take away my fears. Fears of the future. Fears of the unknown. I even came across one desperate entry that begged God to show me a glimpse of my future. I wanted so badly for Him to map out my life. I wanted to know what my tomorrows were going to look like. I wanted to know who I was going to marry. I wanted to know where my life was headed. I wanted to know it all. I wanted to know so that I wouldn't have to worry about it. I wanted to know so that I could stop being so fearful. I wanted to know...for once it is known...there is no longer any "unknown."


As I continued to flip through my journals-past to present-I found myself completely overwhelmed. From childhood to adulthood, HE never changed. When I couldn't spell and my handwriting was too messy to read...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When adolescence hit and my emotions were all over the place...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When I went off to college... when I doubted my faith...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When I got engaged...when I got married...when I started teaching...when cancer hit...when times got hard...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When leukemia entered our family...when dad passed away...when I found out I was pregnant...when the biopsy results confirmed more tumor....HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When Titus was born...when Michael got weaker...HE was there and His Word gave me strength. When Michael passed away...HE was there...and praise God...His Word gave me strength.


Eleven years ago...had God made known to me the unknown...I would have completely crumbled. I begged God for answers about the future so that I wouldn't have to fear it. Oh, how very confused I was. Had I been given facts about the future, I would have drowned in fear. The very thing I was trying to escape, would have in fact, eaten me alive.


My first thought in all this was, "man, I'm sure glad God didn't answer my prayers back then!" As I continued to ponder, however, these questions came to mind: Did God answer my prayers? Did He calm my fears about the future? Did He ease my anxiety about the unknown? I then began flipping back through those same pages of those same prayer journals with a different outlook and what I found, left me speechless:


December 1998- "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
August 1999- "I will never leave you and I will never forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
June 2001- "Your word, O God, is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."
November 2002- "I eagerly hope and expect that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always, Christ will  be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Phil. 1:20-21
September 2003- "Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where O death is your victory? Where O death is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15: 54-57
June 2004- ""Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the wold gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
October 2004- "When I said, 'my foot is slipping', your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94: 18-19
April 2006- "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name you are mine."


Wow... God does answer our prayers! His answers may look a little different than expected...but He always answers! You see...I asked for a picture...a movie...a book of my life that I could read. I wanted a timeline. A beginning...a middle...and an end. A map...fully marked with each encounter and destination. However...what God gave me instead, was the promise of "new mercies." New mercies for everyday. He gave me verses then that I can cling to now. It may have been an answer to a prayer and a lesson that has taken me years to see and learn; however, one thing is certain...one thing has been made completely clear...no matter what the future may bring...HE will be there and His Word will give me strength.


March, 2011- Dear Lord...although the future still scares me sometimes...I know it is in your hands...and by your grace, I can honestly and sincerely say,  that I am so very "thankful for the unknown."

Praise God From Whom All "Blessings" Flow

So often, I find myself utterly amazed. Our Savior is so very compassionate to a people so very undeserving. 

Just recently, I heard Laura Story's "Blessings" on the radio for the first time. My mom and I were driving to town and although we were having a great conversation, it was abruptly halted when the lyrics of this song began. Personally, I was struck speechless as I listened, and after turning the volume up, my eyes filled with tears. "Wow God" I silently cried, "I really needed to hear that." After arriving home, I googled the song. What I found, brought me to more tears. In 2006, shortly after Laura Story was married, her husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. The words of this song came from an overflowing heart...a heart enduring pain, uncertainty, fear, and worry...a heart of a new wife walking along side her precious husband-journeying cancer together...a heart of a young woman striving to to be strong...a heart of a caregiver...a heart of daughter questioning her Father...and the heart of a believer learning to trust. 

As difficult as it is for me to admit...I have found myself angered, frustrated, and even embittered by my current circumstances. Over the last four years, and even recently, I have found myself convinced that I am the only one. The only newlywed struck so devastatingly by brain cancer. 

Wow...how very wrong I have been...how very wrong I am. 

Achingly, my heart cries out, "Oh God forgive me! May my eyes be opened to see others...others who are caught in the same exact storm, others caught in a storm all their own, others who are 'dancing in the rain' right beside me." 

Blessings

Artist: Laura Story

Album: Blessings

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise